Tag Archives: love

Fool Me

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It is both a satisfying and frightening feeling to gain a better understanding of the world and the people in it.

I’ve always been more of a loner. I don’t readily share my feelings with even friends or family, but I was still surprised when one of my closer friends told me I was unemotional. I didn’t know what to say or how to explain that I do feel.

I feel emotions. I don’t share or express them, but that doesn’t mean they’re not there.

Sometimes I watch strangers on the street, in the train, at the store, in class; and I wonder what kind of people they are. Can they feel this deeply too? What are their fiercest and burning passions?

I feel lucky to be able to love like this. To be loved. To understand the why’s and how’s of life.

To smile in sadness.

To cry when I’m happy because nothing should change. I want you here forever. I couldn’t change.

I hope I don’t change. I watch the world and people and what they call love. It terrifies me to think I could grow cold.

I’m young and naive. Impressionable. But I don’t want to be fooled.

Fool my feelings and me, and I don’t think I’d survive the downfall of every emotion once held up by pillars of passion and adoration for you.

You know it’s about you. It’s always about you.

Winter With You

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Source: Pinterest

Source: Pinterest

Days get cold.

The days grow dark.

But I have no reason to care.

You are there to keep me warm,

and your smile lights the world.

There’s no such thing as too many lights though;

and we hang them in our bedroom,

in the hall,

on the Christmas tree,

in the kitchen.

I picture our home decorated for Christmas.

It is our safe haven,

the place where you can be you,

and I will be me.

We can be us.

I picture sitting on the sofa, reading colorful Christmas books to our children

before you carry them off to bed.

We’ll have a picnic in front of the tree once they’re asleep.

I love our sweet and quiet hours together.

If I’m feeling silly, I’ll wrap you in Christmas lights.

And kiss you until our breath is gone.

I want you to carry me to bed.

Source: Pinterest

Source: Pinterest

I’ll wake up there alone.

I’ll wake up there cold.

I’ll wake up remembering only a dream.

The snow will be falling silently outside.

I’ll stand at my window,

letting my fingertips touch the freezing glass.

I will wait for you to come home.

Come home to me.

Let me spend this winter with you.

Gottes Geschenk

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December 3, 1949. Hamburg, Germany.

It’s raining and a bride in black rubber boots rushes with her soon husband-to-be to the automobile ready to take them to the church. The tires get caught in mud on the way. They are late for the ceremony. Pictures outside are taken, the guests holding umbrellas and wearing anything but festive footwear.

But they were in love. She had been told to ignore that skinny soldier boy, recently home after the lost war. He was nothing but trouble. But trouble stuck around and sixty-five years later, he sits at her hospital bedside, holding her hand. No one hears his soft voice as he speaks to her. Is he telling her he loves her? Loves her the way he did on the first day? Loves her even more? Is he telling her everything will be all right and she will be Home soon?

Maybe there are memories flashing through his head. Maybe he is remembering their early years together, their tiny apartment, the way she smiled, the way she did her hair. They had a daughter and then two boys. When the fourth child was on its way, they moved out of the city.

Maybe he remembers going to church alone at first. It was too far to walk with a new baby. Maybe he smiles, remembering how the people greeted him and told him young, single men were very welcome. Maybe he smiles, remembering telling them thank you but he was married and had four children. He didn’t know his mother would live to be 103 and looking young would be a blessing and a curse for his coming descendants.

He remembers them growing up, getting married, having children of their own. There were sorrows and many hardships. Seventeen grandchildren, but one was killed only weeks after her happy wedding. One married the wrong man and he kidnapped their three children and disappeared. Four were far away and rarely seen.  Others came only when they needed money.

They prayed. Every day they prayed. Every single day they prayed for every child, every grandchild, every great-grandchild. They prayed for everyone they knew. They blessed people with their generosity. They loved and were loved.

It was a rich life. It was long. There were so many memories — some simple, others extraordinary. It was worth it.

Today is my grandparents’ 65th anniversary (church wedding). My grandmother is in the hospital, dying. I remember the last time I spoke to her. She called me. She’s been so sick lately, her pain is hardly bearable. Her voice was weak and slow, but she told me she wanted to ask me a favor. Opa had just gone out to the pharmacy, so she said she had to use her chance to ask me to make a request for a song on the radio station she and my grandfather like to listen to. She wanted to surprise him on December 3rd with a song she picked for him. “Du bist Gottes Geschenk” (you are God’s gift). I wouldn’t trade my grandparents for any other in the world.

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This Is Not A Copy And Paste Love

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Source: Pinterest

Source: Pinterest

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.  I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.

Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.


Note: Call me crazy, but there was no copy and paste involved here (it really only took a few minutes). Because sometimes you can’t say ‘I love you’ enough. ❤

 

A Right One

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Source: Pinterest

Source: Pinterest

I haven’t cried for you.

I probably won’t.

My eyes won’t cry, won’t shed tears.

It is a deeper pain than that.

The hurt is buried inside, hidden in my heart;

where gradually, the sharp blade slices it to pieces.

I hardly blame you.

You couldn’t have known I’d be this sensitive.

I wasn’t aware of it either.

Love at first sight doesn’t mean he or she is the one.

The right one.

A right one.

You’ve changed me.

A lot.

Taught me so many things I will treasure forever.

No person has made me laugh so much.

No person has made me cry so much.

But that’s over now.

No, please.

Please don’t let it be over.

I’m so easily persuaded.

You’re not, I know.

But I’d do anything you asked me to.

You should know that.

Please.

Please, please, please.

Fall With You

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Source: Pinterest

Source: Pinterest

Green turns to red

To orange, yellow, and brown

Summer turns to fall.

It’s my favorite time. With you.

It’s time the air turns cold

Cool and crisp

Dead leaves crunch under my boots

A lot of things are more fun in fall. With you.

Would be more fun. Would be with you.

Source: Pinterest

Source: Pinterest

We will go on adventures

Walk through colorful trees

Collect chestnuts

Drink good coffee and bake chocolate cakes

Kiss

I’ll pretend to be cold so I can wear your sweater

It smells better than autumn, the leaves, the fresh air, the backyard fires

It’s you

You

You don’t understand what you do to me

Just you

You

I could say it forever

Let’s do something we’ll remember every year

Something crazy

Source: Pinterest

Source: Pinterest

And when October 31st comes

We’ll turn all the lights out so it looks like we’re not home

We’ll build a fort in the living room

We’ll have one flashlight

And lots of love

If you were actually here

If you were actually mine

The season has many lessons to teach

I have many lessons to learn

Let go

It seems painful

But it is beautiful

It’s red and orange and yellow and brown

Without you

You

World Suicide Prevention Day 2014

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I knew World Suicide Prevention Day was coming up soon; so when I googled it today, I was glad I didn’t miss it. I’ve been wanting to touch on this issue for a while now and even filmed a vlog that I didn’t end up uploading.

I have been fortunate enough not to have been closely affected by the tragedy of suicide. No one in my immediate or extended family, my close friends or their families has had to face losing a loved one this way. Still, whenever I hear about it – and it happens a lot – it breaks my heart. What makes it worse is when the people you expect it of the least contemplate taking their own life. It makes me wonder if I know my friends well enough to know that they are not suicidal.

I’m not suicidal – at least, I don’t think I am; but sometimes when I’m feeling especially low and frustrated with myself and my failures, I have to admit my feelings can get very dark.

A lot of you may know I am quite the shy introvert. I like being by myself simply because being around people makes me uncomfortable and I don’t know how to act around them. That doesn’t mean I like the way I am or am even happy when I’m all alone.

It’s not good to be alone. Humans were made to be together, to interact and build each other up, to encourage and challenge one another. I admit some people are difficult to be around. It’s hard to like them, encourage and help them. Sure, I’m one of those people. I’ve been called rude and mean, very disagreeable, selfish, proud and taciturn. It’s hard to be my friend. I can’t explain it. Sometimes I wonder why everyone else can get along but it’s as if I don’t exist. If you’re such a friendly, open and talkative person, what would be so hard about talking to me? I wonder if there’s a sign on my forehead “Not worth it.”

I am glad I am a Christian and that Jesus saved me from myself. He is the only reason I am alive today and the only thing worth living for. Were it not for Him, I’d have killed myself long ago. Because of Him, I know that my failures are forgiven. Past, present, future. That doesn’t make being a failure easier, but it gives me hope. The only path to true happiness is salvation through Jesus Christ. I know I can do the right thing because He gives me strength. I know I can help people and love them because I’ve been given perfect love.

I need a lot of help. There’s no doubt about that. Many things overwhelm me and I can lose sight of truth and despair. This happens to a lot of people. Open your eyes and try to find that one today. People can be difficult beings, but I dare you to do the hard thing and take time for that person – or even the one who seems like the happiest person alive. Maybe he’s a shattered mess inside.

I love people and from the bottom of my heart, I wish we’d get along more easily. Really, really, really.

And if you feel like you haven’t a friend in the world, I love you.