Liberation

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Crawling chills, scorching flames
At the same time

Sharing air, heartbeats, skin
Because we’re one

Escaping control and
Captivity

Endless height, boundless depth
What we call love

They can’t follow us here
Or understand

This, our little Eden
Our paradise

Nothing parts or divides
Where we live free

Where my eyes meet your life
Is where I’m home

Hold me in your haven
Never let go

Lock me in chains of love
Bind me to you

Imprisonment here is
My true freedom

Your hands not breaking touch
Release reserve

Your mouth my one master
It makes me wild

Welcome to 2015

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Here’s how this blogpost happened –

  1. Well, I was on Facebook minding my own business – as I always do on Facebook (say no to stalking).
  2. I happened upon a wedding coordinator’s page and looked at probably a gazillion wedding photos.
  3. I decided I should start collecting wedding decoration ideas. Pinterest.
  4. First, I scrolled through my eternal start page before finally deciding remembering I don’t need to start planning a not-even-in-sight wedding.
  5. I searched inspirational quotes. Maybe I could finally publish a welcome-to-2015 post on my blog and make it inspiring.
  6. Scroll, scroll, scroll.
  7. By this time, I felt greatly inspired but wished I was another person.

Instead of sharing an inspirational quote or going on about how I’m going to turn into an amazing person this year, instead of listing all the cool things I will (actually not) do this year, I’d like share five of my favorite Bible verses.

They are printed on now tattered papers and taped to the wall above my desk. I look and have looked at them often – often without thinking about it. I’ve become used to them hanging there.

And so this year, I want to remember these verses again. Because they are beautiful and mean very much to me now as they did almost four years ago when I put them there.

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes from faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith. (Philippians 3:7-9)

I love it because that’s basically the Gospel summed up right there.

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. (Psalm 73:25)

I feel like this was my verse in 2011. I also have the feeling it will be pretty much mine 2015 too.

I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the Gospel of the grace of God. (Acts 20:24)

That describes my calling.

The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, and delivers them. (Psalm 24:7)

I grew up reading the Bible daily, so I had obviously read this promise many times; but I remember being pretty blown away when I read it again.

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. (Proverbs 31:26)

I think everyone who thinks the Bible is woman-hating, discriminating book should read about the super woman described in Proverbs 31. She is “far more precious than jewels” (verse 10). Anyway, I’ve always wanted to be the kind of woman who speaks only kindness and wisdom. I really need to practice…

Have a wonderful 2015! I expect to drop by every now and then, but I am very busy and also unsure what will become of this blog and my writing.

How are you all doing?

Happy Christmas

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This month has been one step short of insane more than insane. But yay! – today is Christmas Eve. In Germany, that’s when you get to open all your presents…

Only I am not expecting many this year… I may have ended up on the naughty list.

But in truth, that’s beside the point when it comes to Christmas. I celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, and He was born because everyone is naughty. He died to take the punishment of my sins. That is indeed a thing to celebrate!

Christmas is a good time to be thankful. And I am thankful for many things –

  • My God and Savior
  • His love and sacrifice
  • My wonderful family (like, seriously)
  • My church and all the people there
  • The definition of true love
  • The fact that there might be a few presents under the tree for me… Maybe, please, yes?

I sincerely hope you can relax over the holidays and spend time with people you love. Should you be with your loved ones, be happy and grateful. And tell them you love them to their face. You’re lucky if you can do that.

I’m guessing I’ll see you all in 2015! ❤

Winter With You

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Source: Pinterest

Source: Pinterest

Days get cold.

The days grow dark.

But I have no reason to care.

You are there to keep me warm,

and your smile lights the world.

There’s no such thing as too many lights though;

and we hang them in our bedroom,

in the hall,

on the Christmas tree,

in the kitchen.

I picture our home decorated for Christmas.

It is our safe haven,

the place where you can be you,

and I will be me.

We can be us.

I picture sitting on the sofa, reading colorful Christmas books to our children

before you carry them off to bed.

We’ll have a picnic in front of the tree once they’re asleep.

I love our sweet and quiet hours together.

If I’m feeling silly, I’ll wrap you in Christmas lights.

And kiss you until our breath is gone.

I want you to carry me to bed.

Source: Pinterest

Source: Pinterest

I’ll wake up there alone.

I’ll wake up there cold.

I’ll wake up remembering only a dream.

The snow will be falling silently outside.

I’ll stand at my window,

letting my fingertips touch the freezing glass.

I will wait for you to come home.

Come home to me.

Let me spend this winter with you.

Gottes Geschenk

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December 3, 1949. Hamburg, Germany.

It’s raining and a bride in black rubber boots rushes with her soon husband-to-be to the automobile ready to take them to the church. The tires get caught in mud on the way. They are late for the ceremony. Pictures outside are taken, the guests holding umbrellas and wearing anything but festive footwear.

But they were in love. She had been told to ignore that skinny soldier boy, recently home after the lost war. He was nothing but trouble. But trouble stuck around and sixty-five years later, he sits at her hospital bedside, holding her hand. No one hears his soft voice as he speaks to her. Is he telling her he loves her? Loves her the way he did on the first day? Loves her even more? Is he telling her everything will be all right and she will be Home soon?

Maybe there are memories flashing through his head. Maybe he is remembering their early years together, their tiny apartment, the way she smiled, the way she did her hair. They had a daughter and then two boys. When the fourth child was on its way, they moved out of the city.

Maybe he remembers going to church alone at first. It was too far to walk with a new baby. Maybe he smiles, remembering how the people greeted him and told him young, single men were very welcome. Maybe he smiles, remembering telling them thank you but he was married and had four children. He didn’t know his mother would live to be 103 and looking young would be a blessing and a curse for his coming descendants.

He remembers them growing up, getting married, having children of their own. There were sorrows and many hardships. Seventeen grandchildren, but one was killed only weeks after her happy wedding. One married the wrong man and he kidnapped their three children and disappeared. Four were far away and rarely seen.  Others came only when they needed money.

They prayed. Every day they prayed. Every single day they prayed for every child, every grandchild, every great-grandchild. They prayed for everyone they knew. They blessed people with their generosity. They loved and were loved.

It was a rich life. It was long. There were so many memories — some simple, others extraordinary. It was worth it.

Today is my grandparents’ 65th anniversary (church wedding). My grandmother is in the hospital, dying. I remember the last time I spoke to her. She called me. She’s been so sick lately, her pain is hardly bearable. Her voice was weak and slow, but she told me she wanted to ask me a favor. Opa had just gone out to the pharmacy, so she said she had to use her chance to ask me to make a request for a song on the radio station she and my grandfather like to listen to. She wanted to surprise him on December 3rd with a song she picked for him. “Du bist Gottes Geschenk” (you are God’s gift). I wouldn’t trade my grandparents for any other in the world.

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Random Update

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Hey everyone,

how goes it? I thought I’d say hey, since I have been rather quiet after having to quit NaNo. It was pretty sad to watch everyone get their word counts in and finally win, while I was busy with my school.

Things have been crazy. I haven’t been able to do much writing for fun, and I am not sure if that will change any time soon. Winter is my favorite time to write, and Christmas inspires me; but my mind’s sort of all over the place.

And I’ve fallen crazy in love. It’s complicated.

I hope to not entirely neglect this blog, but it’s not like anyone would miss me horrifically anyway. 😀

Keep Me Alive

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I miss you.

It’s wrong that you’re not here.

Too many things remind me of you, make me think of you.

A voice, a face.

Sirens, a song.

I see you with me everywhere. Me with you.

It could make me cry, but I am trying to be strong.

Trying to make sense of it all.

Trying to live without you.

How invincible I will be when I have learned to be happy without you.

I will have achieved the impossible.

But still, I will never be happy with anyone else.

I will never want anyone else.

And how could I?

You are my everything and all I ever wanted.

I couldn’t simply give my heart to someone new.

In the back of my mind, I seem to still believe that if I am only patient enough,

if I wait long enough,

you will be my reward.

How easily I fool myself into believing that.

But it’s what keeps me alive.