How Can I Get More Followers?

Standard

Okay, fine. Go ahead and tell me I’m the only one who asks that question. Sometimes (really only sometimes – hardly ever) I get jealous of my fellow bloggers, writers, buddies, and friends. They have more everything. More followers, more commenters, more views, more friends, more ideas, more books, more cats, more kids, more husb-

You get the picture.

Driven by blinding jealousy, I sit down and try to craft an evil plot to overtake them all. Due to my extensive creativity and imagination, this works every timenever. every time.

A Guide to Gaining Followers

This list works for Twitter or your blog. Or real life even.

  1.  Follow every single suggested person.

    …”single” referring not to relationship status, but simply everyone. However, if you find a nice single guy who is good with bitches (meaning female dogs, of course) and kids, let me know.

  2. Post a lot of clever stuff you didn’t come up with yourself.

    And don’t cite your sources, making people think you actually came up with it. Try something like, “I think, therefore I am.” Works every time.

  3. #Hashtags #Hashtags #Hashtags

    #Hashtags #are #the #key #to #gaining #followers #YouCanNeverHaveTooManyHashtags

  4. Quantity over quality.

    Quantity means you’re creative and will consistently come up with cool stuff. Post something every day. If you run out of ideas, see 2. And tweet lots. Repeat yourself because people will forget what you said thirty seconds after you do.

  5. #Hashtags #Hashtags #Hashtags

    #Hashtags #are #the #key #to #gaining #followers #YouCanNeverHaveTooManyHashtags
    See. You forgot I said that, eh?

Bonus: Have many masks.

You are boring. The way you roll out of bed in the morning, complain about Mondays, write another post on what you did on Wednesday, tweet pictures of your pets – or worse, of yourself… We don’t want to see you or who you are. We want someone exciting, someone who is hilarious all the time, someone with no problems or life issues, someone who has it all together; because what we really want is someone to look up to because they are perfect.

So pretend you are perfect and people will love you – and follow you, which is far more important. It actually hardly matters whether they love you or not, just make sure they follow you.

Advertisements

3 responses »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s